God's Will

I suddenly woke last night by the sound of what I thought was a loud thump on my porch. I laid there and listened intently to see if I heard anything else... could it be an intruder? After hearing nothing more I was starting to drift back off to sleep and though I knew it was probably a raccoon or a cat, with my wife sleeping peacefully next to me I could not go back to sleep in good conscience without eventually getting up and checking things out. So I got out of bed and walked around the old dark house to see if anything was amiss. It wasn't. So I when back to bed but now I was awake. I tossed and turned. As so often happens, thoughts raced through my head mostly worries and dread. I did my usual trick of turning them off by aiming my thoughts to and about God. I have been attempting to learn the 23rd Psalm by memory so I ran what I could remember through my mind. I remember thinking about how it's comforting when we let God into our lives and rest in His will. And I wondered why we don't have God's will on earth all the time? Or do we? After that I prayed the Lord's prayer and I ran the first part about, "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" over in my head a couple times. I thought, "See, we are asking God for that. If we're asking God for His will to be done on earth, it must be because its not here already." I considered the things that happen to us that make our lives so messy, like illness for example. It is surely not God's will to make us ill. And then it occurred to me, or should I say whispered into my mind that God's will does not so much come to us as it does come through us. We receive God's will when we reside in His kingdom. If we choose to live a Godly life we reap the benefits of God's will. Assuredly, God can step in and impose His will at anytime to those that don't yet have it, but I do not believe that that happens so much, or is supposed to happen so much as we are supposed to be living in it all the time.

One other thing; this is nothing new, it says it in the bible. People have been telling us this message in a multitude of ways from before the time of Jesus telling it. It's in the 23rd Psalm, it's our Constitution, it's in books like "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen. It's in songs and even movies if we are not blind to it. God's will, please be done through me. Amen.

Godspeed!

The Best Gift

I received the best gift today! I was listening to a podcast of This American Life (episode #207) and there was a story about a mother and son. She told their story about how her son was born with several disabilities and how she had to deal with them. Within the story the mother interviewed her son and you can hear his sweet young voice articulate his perception of things. By age seven, he'd had heart failure and been diagnosed as bipolar that lead to a very dark and destructive existence. His mother eventually got him on some medication that changed and improved both of their lives. She described how over a short time a sweet, nice boy emerged from within; the marvelous little boy we hear on the podcast. As a parent, though my children were healthy and well adjusted, I could relate to some of the issues that the mother talked about. We all know that there are certain struggles and issues that are universal to mankind and we can easily identify with someone that is facing them  because they have to, there's no alternative. Then it happened, within the story the mother paused and made this statement.

"When I was doing these interviews with him I realized something about him that I hadn't seen before, which is all those hearts and bunnies and rainbows that he talks about all the time, its not because he's silly. It's because he's been through more pain and powerlessness than most people ever will in their whole life. I think he took all that information about life about what it means and what it means for him to be alive and he made an informed decision that he's gonna be happy with the good parts of life and he's gonna spread them around. I think that he knows something about hearts and bunnies, and rainbows. He's not like Forrest Gump, you know, it all came out of something very hard. And he has a very strong will."

Thank you God! I felt like angels had grabbed me under each arm and lifted me off of the ground! What this wonderful mother, this insightful soul said about her son was the answer to what I've been struggling with! I have always been an optimist and have always wanted to see the best in everyone and spread my joy and optimism with everyone I meet. I have been accused of being a dreamer, and too nice. But too often my goodheartedness gets quickly kicked to the curb and my optimism is quashed by the sarcastic pessimism of others. I am always walking away wondering what's wrong with me and why I don't learn my lesson and not be so congenial and gregarious. Well, it's because I have come from a hard place of pain and powerlessness and back when I was a little boy I made an informed decision that I'm going to be happy with the good parts of life and I'm gonna spread them around! Thanks to the little boy in the story and his incredible mother, after fifty years I now know my motivations! I just want to be happy in life and I prefer that everyone around me is happy. At fifty I know that I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness but my own. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be amiable and helpful to others.

My one regret is that the woman who is the mother in this true story wanted to remain anonymous. I was so hoping to write to her and thank her and her son for the best gift. Maybe some day that will happen so for now all I can do is to pay it forward. This will be made easier riding on angels' wings.

God speed!

What Is Love

I have to write this to do nothing more than to get it off of my chest. In my never ending quest of looking inward I've had an epiphany of sorts and it is for my own good to step thru the door and see where it leads. On a personal level I always thought that I knew what love was. And for the most part I think that I understand it. But I now understand that my idea of love, and my feelings of love are mine and only mine. Somewhere in my development I misinterpreted the idea that everyone was feeling the same thing that I was; that we all have the same idea of love. To qualify my idea of love, I am a romantic. I am a dreamer and I dream of romance. I believe every love song that I hear as if it's angels whispering in my ears and I desire to live out each one. I believe in happy endings and each one leaves an afterglow of love and warmth in my heart and then the thrill of the next event of falling into love. In my perfect world I love everyone and everyone loves me the same way that I love them (see the Golden Rule). And within my idea of love, love is to be shared all the time, 24/7/365; no time off. Also within my idea of love it should manifest itself in action because to me, how would one know they are loved if they are not shown that they are loved. To me love in action is to spend time, all the time that I can with my loved ones. I like to be in their company, all the time. I like to do things with them, whatever that may be. It is not the event that matters, it's the time spent together. When I love someone I put them above myself. My loyalty and devotion that I equate with my level of love is similar to that of man's best friend, a dog; it's funny but true. Think about it; a dog is always happy to see you, glad to go where you go and just hang out with you all day long. I gladly sacrifice anything that I may want to do to hangout with someone that I love and spend my time with them because that makes me happy. 

The epiphany or realization that I have come to understand as alluded to above is that this is only my experience. I was under the assumption that my loved ones were thinking the same way. In other words, their perception of love and its manifestation were the same as mine. I now understand that my type of love is obsessive, smothering and not at a level that is accomplished by most folks. You see, I had always thought that if my loved ones weren't spending time with me and taking an interest in my thoughts and activities, it meant that they didn't love me.

Let me digress here for a moment and state that I do understand and have always understood that there is a difference between love and like. And more often then not when it comes to family, we can love one another but not like one another. For example, my parents love me but they may not like my lifestyle. Sometimes it's nothing more than a conflict in personality; we love each other but we just can't understand one another's ways. So each relationship has it's limits. And this is the same with love because we all have a different idea of what love is. To me, there is nothing less than 100% of my time and attention devoted to the ones I love. I have no doubt that most people feel the same way but as I've stated above, I've come to realize that my 100% is different than your 100%.

I recently saw a picture of the person that I love the most and she was a teenager. She had a bright glow on her beautiful young face, a broad smile the could light up a room and sparkling, innocent eyes and all that I could think of is how could anyone not love that girl. Then it occurred to me that at the time that the photo was taken she was becoming an independent young lady; an adult full of hopes and dreams, the world laid out in front of her. She has her own interests, her own likes and dislikes, and her own idea of love. It was then that I realized that after all of these years, her idea of love is different than mine because we are different people. I mean, I always kind of knew that, but either I was in denial and couldn't face it or I wasn't developed enough to truly have it sink into my psyche. Anyway, when I began dating her and getting to know her, all of my attention was given to the things that we had in common. I wanted her to love me so I found out what she liked and then took an interest in those things. I found out what she didn't like and made a concerted effort to take her side in understanding why and assisted her in avoiding them. I concentrated on the characteristics that I liked most about her and focused only on them. It was easy because I was (and still am) in love. My desire was to be her complete idea of her best companion so that she would hold onto me; she would choose me to be her life long companion. I wanted to take care of her, to protect her from an ugly world, and to make her happy. I was also under the impression that she was feeling and thinking all of the same things about me in all the same ways. That sounds crazy right? Of course; she's a completely different person. She has her own ideas and experiences and was raised in a different environment, i.e. family dynamic. Yes, she loves me in her own way. Before her I was learning about my idea of love with my friends. I still have the same feelings of love for my best friend that I had as a kid though so much has changed. We've grown to be two independent men living miles apart with different lifestyles. When we were kids we were inseparable. Why? Because I was constantly chasing him down and tagging along side of him. If it had been left to him to spend time with me, he may have not found the time or been so inclined meaning that we probably wouldn't have done as much together. Perhaps with less interaction we wouldn't have even been best friends. It's interesting to look at it from that perspective. In any regard I have repeated this crazy pattern over and over again with every relationship. I go above and beyond to spend time with people, feeling as though I'm almost chasing after them which is seldom if ever reciprocated, and then when it isn't I am hurt. I believed in the Golden Rule and to my detriment thought that everyone else did to. I believed that everyone would treat me the way that I treated them. I believed that I wouldn't have to chase people down or look them up because they would be coming to see me all the time. And that's the rub; I know see that we all have subliminal rules in our heads that were planted there by one form or fashion and when someone is breaking our rules we're annoyed. We feel resentment towards the ones we love because they are not doing as we think they should. But they don't know our rules unless they care enough to ask and they won't abide by our rules unless they want to for our happiness.

Had I been more balanced in my life I wouldn't have had to be so clingy and therefore the relationships with my friends would have certainly turned out differently. I fall for the love songs because it is in my nature to do so. I now know that I created the lofty ideas of love in my mind and held everyone to my high standard. I have no regrets because I've loved everyone to the best of my ability. But it is time to give myself a gift; a birthday gift of sorts because it is the beginning of a new life. I am not chasing down anyone anymore. I'll be friendly to those people that are friendly to me. And within this gift I am giving back to the ones I love by giving them the space they deserve to pursue their likes and interests without my input or company; unless of course they ask for it. 

As an aside to this, in contemplation of all of this it occurred to me; this type of love that I carry so easily in my heart can easily be applied to and perhaps only reciprocated by God.  We often hear of how we should love God with all of our heart and with all of our mind. If you have the natural capacity to love someone, to put them above yourself and have dogged loyalty and devotion then it's easy to sacrifice anything to hangout with that someone because that makes you happy. In actuality there is no sacrifice in it at all because there is nothing you'd rather do. It's a rare thing. The best part is that only God will love you back by honoring the Golden Rule because He made it up.

God speed

Abandoning Abandonment

In my quest to get closer to God and to know the Holy Spirit, I've found that the experience is much like reading a book. As information is read and the storyline is comprehended the larger picture starts to develop. When an entire page is read the reader must then decide to turn the page and continue reading. Sometimes the reader is not ready to continue and puts the book down to digest the text and consider the plot. Other times they cannot wait to turn the page to follow along in the storyline. Then there are times when we think we know where the story is leading only to be duped by a plot twist. We never really know what is next to discover until we turn the page and continue reading. I mention this because I have been working on the discovery of my soul and in doing so I have had to continue reading through many twists in the plot that is the storyline of my life. Lately my core has been a little shaky because of some recent discoveries. One of many gifts that God has given me has allowed me to see through a veil that was hiding truths about not only my life, but to the lives of others very close to me to which I was blind. In previous writings I discussed my need for appreciation and how much of that has fallen away, though I must still be guarded in keeping my ego in check. I digested that page in my storyline and then turned the page to discover a twist that was hiding beneath appreciation; it is my fear of abandonment. True to the method of finding the truth only by knowing the lie, I discovered that my perception of my life has been false. The people that I thought had my best interests at heart actually had only their best interests at heart. People that had been trusted to guide me and support me in achieving my best self failed. Therefore, in my development as a person a dark void was created in my psyche that weakened my foundation and subsequent formation into an adult. This empty omission of positive support galvanized an ego scarred with the fear of abandonment, or perhaps I should say the fear of continual abandonment. The same thing that caused me to crave appreciation and search for acceptance was motivated by trying to fill the void of being spiritually and emotionally abandoned. It is a wound that never healed. It is a hole in my person here on earth, that God and the Holy Spirit are helping me fill. How, you may ask? By leading me to my soul. To know, to remember that I was complete when I entered this life and to find my way back to that place. By removing the ego and behind it, finding my authentic self.

I can now say in hindsight that it's that feeling that you get, a knowing in your heart that something isn't right and honoring that feeling until the blinders come off and the truth is revealed. My story is not unique, in fact it is more than likely the common story of life. It is only with God's guidance that I am able to see it in my own life; and only now, after He has prepared me and when He knows that I am able to handle the truth. I am so thankful to God that He has allowed me to experience this hurtful experience wrapped in His grace. I pray that you continue in strength as you search for your authentic self.

God speed.

The Big Questions

A friend of mine recently asked one of the big universal questions; is there really someone watching over us? Of course I answered yes. Knowing that I write this blog would make that obvious. Yet when these questions arrive the first thing that I know is not only is God watching over us, but he is in us. It's comforting to me to know that He is watching over me. It gives me confidence that He is in my heart guiding me if I choose to follow. When people ask the big questions, I think that they know the answers in their hearts but are fighting with the concepts in their minds. If you're asking the questions then there is something inside of you that is looking for guidance. But we may not want to go in the direction that it is leading us. For example, we may have to change our bad behavior. Once we know that other concepts exist we can no longer use ignorance as an excuse for bad behavior. You are being a jerk even though you know better. So knock it off. It is selfish behavior and will only result in hurting others. That is not an acceptable purpose for your life. There are too many hurt people walking around that need your help; they need loving kindness. This life is bigger than you. Have some guts to follow your heart and be guided by the goodness of the spirit in you.

God speed!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! On this glorious Easter Day I have the comfort of God with me. Let me tell you why that is. For starters, I was driving home very late at night into the early morning hours of Good Friday. The moon was full and I could see deep into the moonlit trees the lined the miles of highway. If you have experienced the illumination of a rural setting on a full moon night, then you know how magical it feels. Other than admiring its beauty and being thankful for the moon's assistance in my safe travels I didn't think much more about it. After all I had arrived home safely and went on about my business. Then I learned that Easter is the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox.When the spring equinox comes, daytime grows longer than night. When the moon is full, it rises in the East at the same time the sun sets in the West. So there is never a moment when either the sun or the full moon is not shining in the heavens. Isn't that a beautiful metaphor for Jesus Christ, the light of our Lord. He guides us with his light, making it easier to see into the dark shadows casting out fear.

Also, I have been through a number of trials recently and the common denominator has been rejection. And yet, with every instance of worldly disappointment comes a crack of light, an internal warmth of comfort that I am not alone. The Holy Spirit, God's Spirit lives in me! Is there anything better than the knowing in our heart and mind that we are not alone? There is someone there to share our burdens, someone that knows our soul so we don't have to put on a facade, we can just release the ego and be ourselves. In God's love we can always be redeemed. We can strip away the parts of us that we've broken and start anew; over and over again.

When you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit of God makes His home inside of you. That’s the same Spirit, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. That resurrection power can bring health, strength and life to your physical body, and it can bring life to your hopes and dreams. In fact, it can bring life to any area that may seem dormant on the inside of you. God has resurrection power for you today! Receive it and walk in His victory this Easter and forevermore.

Rumination

In the continuing saga of confronting my ego, I would like to share my enlightenment and in doing so I hope that it inspires you to wonder and consider yourself. Since I began this quest I have had periods of lapse where I get mired in the world and my own daily issues to overcome. These outside influences are distractions for inner examination. However, they are also an opportunity to exam the ego in action. Once this is recognized, the issues quickly dissolve and the inner enlightenment gets brighter; just as it's supposed to happen. The other day, this happened to me and I noticed that in observing my ego, there is an inner voice that speaks to me. I have noticed it right along, but on this day, I noticed that since I have been observing my ego that it is always present. Originally I thought that it was the Holy Spirit. Then lately, I was considering it to be my true self, my soul, my spirit man. And yet I somehow know that they are both, but I don't know enough yet. Stay tuned…

Yet here is a cool thing that I encountered. I recently heard an interview on "On Being", a podcast that was focused on the poet, theologian, and philosopher Rumi. After listening to it I was inspired to go get a book on Rumi so I went to Barnes & Noble and found one. There was only one and I picked it up and leafed through it. I read a poem that talked about the duality within us were we and God live. These two are vying for the same place and we can die to give way to the other; guess what, God is omnipresent and eternal and cannot die. Of course, the dying we do is the banishing of the ego and I am so thankful to be at this place in my life. I am also blessed to be living in an era when I can share this with anyone in the world that is interested enough to seek it out. Thank you for you.

God speed!

An Atheist

I recently heard a self proclaimed atheist declare that their sense of wonder is greater than that of a believer because believing in God puts limits on things. They went on to expound that the rejection of limits was why they were an atheist. But for me, the atheist is missing the point. What they see as limits, I see as structure. Without structure there is chaos and I've lived a messy life of chaos. It isn't for me. The reason I have faith and the reason I believe in the God is because that structure has improved my life. I like having a guiding light. I like having a moral conscience. Besides, I am only limited by my God given imagination, just like an atheist.

God speed!

An Illogical Truth

As spirits in a physical body, we use concepts to anchor our psyche in this world such as love and truth. Depending on individual personality and social environment, these concepts are arbitrary to the strength in which we apply them, but we need something to hang our hat on. We need guideposts to find our way as we navigate our way through society. We all have a perception of what we believe as true and in this age of science and mental acuity, our ability to witness and reason is generally what we use to discern the truth. In other words, if it's logical, if it makes sense then it must be true. However not all truths are based in our logic, they just don't make sense to us here on earth. For instance, a person that chooses to drink alcohol and thus become an alcoholic has increased the complexity of functioning as a member of society. It isn't logical to be an alcoholic, making life in general more difficult but the truth is that they are an alcoholic. An argument could be made that no one chooses to be an alcoholic, but is there anyone that doesn't know the risk when they choose to drink? The practice of this concept ties into faith of course, but in my understanding I am working hard at grasping this so that it is second nature. Our human experience is constantly challenging us to ask, "How can I believe in what I cannot see?" The quick answer is usually, "You believe in air, don't you." But that is backed by scientific discovery and evidence. The witnessing of my ego and the discovery of my soul is beyond our earthly concepts and logic. So I will happily and excited continue on my journey; letting go of conventions and discovering new concepts of truth and love.

God speed

A Marked Improvement

When we are on a journey, especially one of learning, we are usually too busy trying to make our way to notice how far we've come. Then an event will happen and it gives us cause to pause and we have a moment to look at where we are in our journey and then realize the progress that we've made. I experience this all the time but the other day I was getting that old feeling of needing some appreciation that never came. I didn't get all bent out of shape and then I caught myself and realized that that isn't me, it is my ego. Now in this moment I was not celebrating my victory, my mind was still mired in reconciling my ego against my true self. I got side tracked and busy with other things and forgot about it. The next day I had much better clarity about it and on this day I was able to separate my emotions from my thoughts and look at things objectively. I realized that I didn't need the appreciation and moved on. Now that is a victory because the old me would have stewed on that, on not receiving a word of appreciation until it erupted in passive aggressiveness or anger. God speed!

A Journey In The Psyche

I want to update you on my progress in observing my ego. With every encounter of discomfort in my daily interactions with people, I consider what is upsetting me. I assess what it is about my ego that is hungrily craving a fix. The term fix seems to be appropriate in the context of satiating an addiction. This observance and subsequent analysis is, at the moment, all that I can accomplish. According to the experts this is all there is to do. However, my desire at the moment of discomfort is to respond appropriately, it may even cross my mind what to say, which is another step forward in the right direction. This is contrary to my previous behavior of always taking my perception of the high road, which evolved into a habit of thanking an incompetent or offensive person. Thank them for what? I would try to find any positive thing that I could. I know, it sounds silly to me too now. But at the time it was an amalgamation of turning the other cheek and my desire to be a positive role model to rise above the wicked world. Essentially it was a coping mechanism that left me feeling OK about myself and sorry for the other. Yes, even a nice person like me will use subversive contrivance, vainly attempting to elevate my stature for the sake of another to try to make myself feel better. But this is a discussion for another day. For now all I can do is observe.

God speed

The Wounded Ego

In the previous post I posed the duality of the ego and the soul. Within the body of the post I discussed the formation of the ego under normal circumstances; however, so few of us develop under "normal" circumstances. In that our ego is a reflected center, we do not know who we truly are; we simply know what others think about us. And this is the ego: the reflection, what others think. I described how a loving, tender mother can aid in the development of a healthy ego; nonetheless, dysfunctional parents or a non adaptive environment can skew the ego into a discordant reflection. This means that if nobody thinks that he is of any use, nobody appreciates him, nobody smiles, then too an ego is born: an ill ego; sad, rejected, like a wound; feeling inferior, worthless. This too is the ego. This too is a reflection. The ego is an accumulated phenomenon, a by-product of living with others and the more the world grows, the more complex the ego becomes because many others' opinions are reflected.

Is this something that you can relate to? Is this what happened to you? You are not alone though your ego may prefer to have you think differently. We are all wounded. We can all be healed. In my case, I have spent my entire life with a huge chip on my shoulder, angry that I am never appreciated for all that I do. I will go to the ends of the earth for anyone that shows me an ounce of appreciation. Appreciation is my drug. I crave it, I need it... that is until now. Now I understand that is not me but my ego that needs that appreciation, not me.

Another issue that I have been wrestling with all of my life is low self esteem. My ego was conceived to reflect that I have little or no value. Low self esteem is very debilitating. It may be associated with feelings of depression, self harm, eating disorders, and social anxiety. A product of low self esteem is the erosion of self confidence, which can lead to chronic anxiety. To have a low self-esteem corresponds to not feeling ready for life, or to feeling wrong as a person. Essentially, I carry with me the feeling that I am always wrong and not worthy of anything good or nice. Can you see the conflict with my craving appreciation above? I crave appreciation but don't feel worthy enough to accept it. But now I understand that my ill and negative ego is false. My true center, my soul has nothing to do with any of these manufactured issues.

We know that life is a journey and many things change over the course of a journey. In my journey, it is my desire to chip away at and transcend the issues that my ego presents, to get to know and love my soul and thus get closer to God in this lifetime. There are so many scriptural references to the issues that relate to the ego and self esteem and I intend to explore and hopefully post here. Until then, take good care of yourself, make good choices, and God speed.

God, Ego, and the Devil

I have spent years trying to find the answer to a question; "What is the difference between our soul and our spirit?" The Spirit is well documented, and a much written upon and peached upon topic. The soul however is a little more elusive a topic. This is because it is hidden. Where you might ask? Answer: behind the ego.

After reading volumes of information I stumbled across a website cited below that explains the splendid, treacherous trick. To begin, birth means the emergence of a baby from the body of its mother; the start of life as a physically separate being. Genesis 2:7 states, "And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." So we are born into this world, the world of the outside. A newborn baby has a soul, is a soul, but does not have an ego. A baby is born without any knowledge, any consciousness of his own self. The first thing he becomes aware of is not himself, but of the other. It is natural, because the eyes open outwards, the hands touch others, the ears listen to others, the tongue tastes food and the nose smells the outside. All of these senses open outward. The child becomes aware of the mother first. Then, by and by, he becomes aware of his own body. That too is the other, that too belongs to the world. He is hungry and he feels the body; his need is satisfied, he forgets the body. This awareness is a reflected awareness. He is not aware of who he is, he is simply aware of the mother and her reaction to him. If she smiles, if she appreciates the child, if she coos, "You are beautiful," if she hugs and kisses him, the child feels good about himself. Now an ego is born. Through appreciation, love, care, he feels he is good, he feels he is valuable, he feels he has some significance. A center is born. But this center is a reflected center. It is not his real being, he does not know who he is; he simply knows what others think about him. And this is the ego: the reflection, what others think; a false center.

The ego functions to benefit the good of the society. Everyone is adding to your ego all the time, and everybody is trying to modify it in such a way that you don't become a problem to the society. Society is concerned with itself, not you as an individual. They, the society, are not concerned that you should know thy self. They are concerned that you should become an efficient part in the mechanism of the society. You should fit into the pattern. So they are trying to give you an ego that fits with the society. Because the ego is a false center created by society it can be controlled and manipulated. Conversely, the soul can never be controlled or manipulated. So at this stage the child is completely unaware of his own center and is now unknowingly convinced that the center given to him by society is true.

If you recall, God breathed life into you and you became a living soul. So you were already born with a center before the ego arrived. Therefore you have two centers. One center, which is given by existence itself; that is the self, the soul. And the other center, which is created by the society, is the ego. The original center, your soul, will always be there waiting for you to discover it. It is your true center, your true self. As mentioned earlier, it cannot be manipulated or controlled. Yet it can only be found by seeing the false, so this makes the ego a necessity. The real can be known only through the illusion. One has to pass through it. You cannot know the truth directly. First you have to know that which is not true. First you have to encounter the untrue. Through that encounter you become capable of knowing the truth. If you know the false as the false, truth will dawn upon you.

God created it all, the living soul and the ego. Ego is a need; it is a social need, it is a social by-product. Genesis 1:27, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." So within the bible, what else do we know as a false center? Satan, the Devil. Could not all of the statements about the ego also apply to the Devil? Metaphorically, the Devil is the ego of mankind. Perhaps we come to know Christ only after knowing the misery of living under the rule of Satan, the one that we know as the false center. Recently, I overheard the question of why Jesus spoke in parables. Essentially, my answer would have been because without discernment, one cannot know the truth directly. Jesus knows His soul, His center as King and He does not owe the truth to any man. Jesus received His guidance from the Father and delivers the Truth as a great blessing. Matthew 11:25, "At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes." The disciples asked Jesus for an answer as seen in Matthew 13: 10 - 13, "And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables? He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given. For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath. Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand." He also repeated what he had declared earlier, "For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them." (Matt. 13:17)

It's my assertion that Jesus's message was complex and multi-leveled because understanding that sometimes we can only find the truth by understanding the false is not easy; it is not for everyone, which is built into the design. This is but one step in a journey, but I pray that it inspires you to seek knowledge, keep yourself open, and to retain a teachable spirit.

God speed!

References:
Bible: King James Version
Ego - The False Center, From Beyond the Frontier of the Mind by Osho http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm - This website will give you the information one needs to learn how to recognize the ego and discover the self center, the soul.

The Unforgivable Sin

My daughter asked me if there was a sin that could not be forgiven. Without mch hesitation I replied, "Of course not; Jesus die for all of our sins." 

To which she replied, "Well, I had heard that blasphemy is unforgivable." 

She is right. In Matthew 12, Jesus is teaching us such a valuable lesson, especially in the climate that America has been melting in... a house divided against itself is will not stand. And he knows that without this "rule" that he cannot rally the people and perpetuate his cause. This has been an elemental requirement for any society since the dawn of time. Socrates' appeal in the "Apology" was to consider the state (one's society) before determining one's personal descisions. He states, "I did not go where I could do no good to you or to myself; but where I could do the greatest good privately to everyone of you, thither I went, and sought to persuade every man among you that he must look to himself, and seek virtue and wisdom before he looks to his private interests, and look to the state before he looks to the interests of the state; and that this should be the order which he observes in all his actions." Concurrently, each country has a threshold of tolerance to which they determine is dangerous to the good of the whole. It is called treason. The bottom line in

Matthew 12 is:

  30 “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. 31 And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. 32 Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

However, I wasn't completely wrong either. One could only blaspheme if they were on the outside looking in. When we make our committment to God, when we invite Jesus into our hearts, we must be all in. There is no waffling. There is no half way. We willfully shed our old ways and are born again with new minds, with new hearts, with new lives. So one could not blasphemy the Holy Spirit if one were in love with the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ and 100% committed to God.

God speed!

In Touch

In my search of a holy and righteous life I earnestly follow the Lord through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. It's a daily commitment and one I gladly choose, though it is often a struggle. I can get thrown off track so easily throughout the day when I'm around several people. No one in particular mind you, but I tend to be a loner and spend fair chunks of time by myself. Of course during those times I can easily commune with God. Its when I get around others that I loose focus and it seems that I fall down more than I stand up. But that's on my mind and I know in my heart that I need to be more of a stand up person for God. I also know that this comes about the same way one gets to Carnegie Hall; practice, practice, practice. I know that my time spent reading and studying God's word in the bible is the key for what we learn we can recite. Yet it's troubling that I so easily fall into the worldly ways of griping and gossip. I promise to have a better report in the very new future.

God speed!

Dear Friend, I'm Born Again...

Dear Friend,

You have been on my mind so much and the reason why might surprise you; it is because of a conversation we had quite a long time ago. I’d like to share with you my experience and the part you play in it. I can’t remember when we talked, but I remember chatting with you on the phone and for some reason we were talking about the church and some thoughts on Christianity. Within the course of our conversation you mentioned that, at that time, you didn’t really believe that people had to be born again. At the time I offered no opinion due to my embarrassment of being naïve in my faith; however in my spirit I thought the contrary.

This brings us to today. I have driven highway 231 in Alabama many times over the last two months and I have to pass a big white sign with bold black letters that reads, “Ye Must Be Born Again” (John 3:1-7). I have two thoughts every time I see that sign, the first of which is you. I wished I had been strong enough in my understanding to speak to you intelligently on the topic that day on the phone. I feel a tinge of regret whenever it comes to mind so you can understand that this letter is written as much for me as to you. Obviously you know the story of our lives as children; it was an unpleasant and confusing environment. That experience mixed with the other experiences out in the world has a large bearing on our development into the adults that we are today. And we have spoken about the many attempts to learn methods and coping skills to improve the quality of our lives. In that never ending quest to heal old wounds and prevent new ones, my journey lead me away from Christianity and then back to it. It was a circuitous and scenic trip that led me to meet a person who prayed with me. With his guidance I was able to accept that God knows me just as I am and still loves me and forgives me for my thoughts, my lifestyle, my transgressions, my mistakes, my sins. I admitted to myself what I had always known, that Jesus is the son of God and loves me and wants to carry my burdens but it is up to me to learn how to give my cares to him. Yes, I was saved; I was reborn with a newness in my heart. I was born again. It was like the heavy weights of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and I knew things would be different and my life was going to be better; and it is.

The second thought that I have when I pass that sign is a reminder to me that being saved is not the final destination but just the beginning of life’s journey. Being born again takes us back to being a baby spirit with unlimited possibilities and potential. It is nothing more than renewing our mind to tune into our heart and spirit; to connect with God on a new level. This rebirth is a fresh start to become the person God intended me to be; to be myself. I think it is a misconception that we are saved and the world then conforms to our perfect place. The world does not and never will change; instead, we change. We are motivated by and look out at the world through our eyes of love instead of fear. Fear traps us in our own minds and continually feeds us the lies we want to believe. Love releases us to see through our hearts, to forgive, leave the baggage behind and keep moving higher. As we grow into more mature spirits we should be getting wiser and applying our knowledge to life. The world will continue to present challenges but the lessons that Jesus taught now have new meaning and in our Spirit we are developed, balanced and well adjusted to overcome each challenge. The result is, when the world is chaotic we are calm; when the world is in disarray we see clearly; when the world is a mess we are free and clean. In the end, it never ends; it is a process of maturing spiritually, a continual growth and enjoyment in the peace of the journey.

At this point my growth has steadily progressed since our conversation that initiated this so long ago and I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Of course my two thoughts lead to many more but I’ll spare you those for another time. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have it all figured out but I wanted to share this with you and let you know that I’m trying and do think of you all the time. I value you and feel blessed for your friendship.

God speed!

A Conversation

Do you believe in God?

Yes. I believe in God.

You mean to tell me that there is an existence of a life force that you cannot see, you cannot hear, you cannot smell, you cannot taste, you cannot touch.

Yes, I believe… believe in the existence of God.

Do you believe God created us?

Yes.

Do you believe that God created the earth?

Yes.

Do you believe that God create us and His desire is for us to have dominion over the earth?

Yes… with nature, in harmony with nature.

OK. So God created us; He created the earth. He gave us the earth with all of its sustainable resources to keep us alive indefinitely. He gave us intelligence, which no other creature has. And with our intelligence we are able to interpret and manipulate matter. So we are creators, just as God created us. So then, that is how God created us in His image. He made us all creators?

Yes, He has made us creators. He has given us life, intelligence and the earth.

What are we supposed to create?

Outside of food and shelter for our survival, we are supposed to create… love. To be able to interpret and manipulate matter can only be for our benefit or our detriment. Why would we want it to be for our detriment? Why would we want to destroy what God has given us? Why would we take the earth, which is supposed to sustain us indefinitely, and ruin it so that we will all eventually perish? What is the point? But if we live in harmony with the earth, we use it resources to sustain our lives, and we use our intelligence to replenish what we use, then we are using our creator-ness in a responsible way. The only thing outside of our own sustenance is to take care of one another. That is our purpose. We are creators, we are to survive, we are to take care of one another and love one another.

Do you believe that is all that God wants for us?

I believe that that is the basic idea, but that is not all that God wants for us. I believe God wants us to do more than just survive; just get by. I believe God wants us to prosper in all areas of our lives. He wants us to live in abundance, for what would be the purpose of barely surviving if we could not improve our station? And God's abundance is based in, and grows from love.

Our Daily Routine

Speaking for myself, I have spent a considerable amount of time studying the Word and pondering its meaning. It seems that the most challenging issue facing a believer in the Word and Jesus Christ is in the application. How are we to live our lives to not only attain citizenship in God’s Kingdom, but never leave? The following is a practice that I carry out daily to prioritize and act on Kingdom thoughts and ways. I pray that you will read this with an open mind and a teachable spirit for it is written in love to share love. God bless you in the name of Jesus as you go forward.

Our Daily Routine

Wake up and declare that God is our father.

Give thanks for the day and His son.

Ask for forgiveness of sins.

Declare victory over the day.

Declare that your spouse is your top priority after God.

Commit to whatever it takes to assist them today.

Ask your partner what they need to make their day their best.

Consider your children.

Offer up a prayer to God on their behalf.

Can I do anything to make their day the best?

Consider family, friends and all others.

Offer up a prayer to God on their behalf.

Can I do anything to make their day the best?

Consider yourself.

Offer up a prayer to God on your behalf.

Know that you are doing your best.

Keep your integrity and honesty and be active.

Create a habit of repeating these steps often throughout the day.

Before retiring to bed, tell your partner that you love them; hug and kiss.

Declare God is our father.

Give thanks for the day and His son.

Ask for forgiveness of sins.

Declare victory over the day.

Declare your spouse your top priority after God.

Commit to whatever it takes to assist them to make their day tomorrow the best.

Speaking praise and prayers out loud increases the Spiritual Power behind them! Amen!

Spiritual Energy

If you have ever tried to make some wholesale changes in your life, you’ve more than likely experienced an unpleasant phenomenon. It seems as though that when we set out to make improvements in any area of our lives, we invariably upset the apple cart and all of the rotten ones come rolling out to spoil our plans. I’ve often tried to change my habit of complaining; to stop myself before the words leave my mouth. I’ll set my mind to do it and when I feel the feeling to complain rise up in me, I’ll pause. Now you might think that suppressing a complaint may be like capping off a raging hot steam pipe; the result of which can be catastrophic when trapping such energy under pressure. But I can tell you that using that energy to try and think of a new thought and express a new point of view takes much more power and one will exert even more energy. When I have practiced not complaining I see immediate positive results, which of course motivates me to continue the practice.  However, it also appears that when I try to not complain, an increase of irritating events arise in my life. Not only that but I’ve had people tell me that not complaining is bad for my health! So the folks that should be supporting me with positivity are piling on the negativity; another reason to complain.

So what is this; this avalanche negativity that seems to roll over us when we make positive changes? Is it the devil? Some people would say so; Satan, bad karma, punishment for a sorry lifestyle. Or is it simply a phenomenon that occurs when we shine a light on the negative? Those annoyances, those irritating people and situations have always been there; we just accepted them and may have willingly and joyfully relished them! Now, in our desire to separate from them, they seem bigger and badder than ever. 

I see this as a milestone. I see this as a sign that I am on the right path, because quite frankly, when we choose a new path it usually doesn’t come with a roadmap. We don’t always know what to do different to break our old patterns and the only way to gauge if we’re on the right track is to be a little uncomfortable. It’s OK; it will pass. I know it’s just growing pains and I will be better for it. As a matter of fact, I have gotten to the point where I can get myself excited bout these challenges because I know a big breakthrough is coming!

God speed!

Spirituality

It is my nature when looking at things, to break them down in the simplest form. On the surface, many things can look complicated and an impossibility. But when the underlying roots are revealed, it can be seen for what it is, usually just a few main branches holding up the whole enormous tree.  Any issue or situation then, in it’s simplicity, can be managed; sometimes remarkably very easily. 

I believe that my soul is the immortal energy that dwells within me. It’s my core electrical life force that gives me character, drives my personality and enables me to love. I also believe that as it radiates out from my body it becomes my spirit. My spirit connects with the universe and it’s a two way communication. It’s obvious to me that my spirit connects directly to the spirit of God, the Holy Spirit, and it also connects with every other living thing. My recognition of this and my wholeheartedness to stay actively cognizant of it is my spirituality. 

If you look up spirituality in the dictionary it will say something like, matters of the spirit, a concept tied to a spirit world, a multidimensional reality and one or more deities. To me, spirituality is simply the essence of our soulful energy. It is the being of our spirit life. I, being in a sensory world, tend to unwittingly ignore what I cannot perceive with my five senses; we are easily distracted aren’t we? Speaking from my own experience, when a conscious decision is made to be more spiritual I tend to try it on like a new set of clothes. Like a dressy shirt, I’ll throw it over my shoulders and slip my arms in the sleeves. I’ll wear it for a few days and then move on to a pair of pants... only to realize I am once again shirtless. It’s the materialistic way of viewing spirituality; yes trying it on. Then a revelation will come and I’ll remember that true spirituality comes from WITHIN. It lives in my soul tucked up right under my heart. Here, where the Holy Spirit waits to greet me, yet again. (And all of this after years of studying spiritual ideology and striving to get close to God. So many good things have come out of my spiritual journey including the knowing that each day is a brand new chance to get it “right”.) This revelation comes from where? From studying the spirit; I am thinking about it, reading about it, listening to spiritual teachings, living it. When I am working at being more spiritual I am living the lifestyle! It cannot be treated as a hobby; to pick up when one is bored or needy and then set aside until the mood strikes again. Yes, as with anything worthwhile, it takes commitment and consistency. Spirituality is a lifestyle, a practice in living.

God speed!